Heart Month Day #18 Hope

If you remember back 5 1/2 years ago to when Severin had his first OHS, it was 3 surgeries in one. He only had a 60% chance of living through it. They would stop and start his heart several times, as each piece of his anatomy was altered. His heart was the size of a walnut. It would be a long day for everyone. The day before surgery, after all the preliminary tests were done and his surgeon had all the information he could without being inside, he came to meet with us. Dr. Kaza and Dr. Mart sat with us in the CICU and explained what was necessary for Severins heart to keep going until the next surgery. Dr. Kaza (not LDS) told us he has prayed for guidance for what to do for our son to have the best outcome. He said he has spent the weekend in the Temple. He told us it does not get more complex then Severins heart. He prepared us for the possibility that he would not live. This is where I could not hold my composure any more and I started to sob. The uncontrollable ugly cry sob. I was so embarrassed for letting my emotions get the best of me. Dr. Kaza hands me some tissues and tells me 'it is ok Mrs. Quist I will do all that I can for your son' all I could say was an inaudible Thank you. The hours that followed after surgery where slow and fast all at the same time. His heart was so swollen from the trauma of the surgery, they could not close his chest. He had a big bandage over it. I sat there holding his hand, only moving when the Nurses reminded me to go pump. Hour after hour Nurses, Intensivists, Nurse Practitioners, Cardiologists would walk past, stop at the foot of his bed, look over the Nurses charts, look at the monitors, look at him and shake their heads. All in Amazement that he was doing so well. At times since I have dealt with guilt, did I WILL him to stay with me when he should have returned to Heavenly Father? Was I being selfish? I have resolved I did not, I simply did my part that I had agreed to do long ago. I loved him. I had HOPE. I would fight as long as he did. It wasn't until a follow up visit after OHS #3 that his Cardiologist, who was SO pleased with Severin, said "I really didn't think this day would come". We spoke silently through our eyes, mine filled with tears. I knew what he meant. Severin should not still be here and yet he is. He is not only living but thriving in a high quality of life way! 

Because of Severins successful Heart Journey he gives hope to others. Because as Parents facing the mountain called CHD in front of us we have nothing more then HOPE. We hold on to HOPE like it is the last thing on earth. In a few months he will be the PICU/CICU Parent Hour presenter, and offer HOPE to those parents first hand.