Monday, February 28, 2011

Good Bye Lillee Dog

We had to say good-bye to our Lillee today. She has been a part of our family for almost seven years. We do not know how old she is, just that she was old when she came to us. Many may not know the story of how Lillee came to be... I will share it in honor of her today.
It was May the month before Thom and I would be married. My apartment was close to both of our jobs so we would meet there for lunch. One day Thom was late. He called me from his cell phone, and said he just hit a dog. At first I thought lame excuse to stand me up for our lunch date. But then I asked if it was dead. He didn't know. He was turning around to check, but it didn't look good. The dog was on its back with its legs in the air. When he got to the dog she was coming too, a little dazed, trying to get back on all fours again. He looked around for the owner-no one. Asked the near by house if they knew this dog-no one knew. He called the Animal Control to come and pick up the dog. They were having a busy day, so after waiting awhile Thom took the dog to the shelter himself. Thom visited her everyday, I think even more then once. Her family called to see if she was there but never came for her. After the grace period of five days, she was up for adoption. Thom took me to see her. I immediately took her out of the cage and started for the desk to fill out the paper work to adopt her. She was small, but had huge brown eyes. After adopting her I went straight to PetSmart and spent a small fortune to outfit a dog. Morgan was so excited when I picked her up from school and told her it was our dog. Thom wanted to name her "pugsey" because of her big eyes. I wanted her to have a girly name. We kicked around names for all of dinner. Then I said she needs something like "Lilly of the Valley". That was it. And to make it more like us her name was spelled with two "e"s. We had a dog in my "no pets allowed" apartment.
So Lillee was our best road kill prize. She came potty trained, & well mannered. She rarely got on the furniture. She didn't like to be held or picked up. She'd just lay at your feet and keep you company. She would let Thom hold her like a baby and scratch her belly. but only for a moment. She could meow like a cat, chase deer like she was bigger then they are, as well as dogs, cats, birds,& grasshoppers.The grasshoppers, worms, and moths were a tasty treat. She would beg on her hind legs and air scratch with her paws. That made her look like a chipmunk. A really BIG chipmunk. Oh how she hated fireworks, and brushing her teeth. She loved Grandpas hotdogs, and looked forward to them everynight. She liked it when the peas were in season and could eat as much as the kids. She could be found scrounging food off the kitchen floor or in a small space snuggled up- her snoring would give her location away. Her tags made an unmistakable jingle. She would smile when you scratched her good spot. Bark everytime we left her, and watch us go from the livingroom window. She liked a good car ride, but knew when we were getting close to home. Anytime someone would come over she was so excited and thought they were there to see her. She was just like the kids, I call them "the entertainment commitee". She was always protective over the new babies. She would lay right by them and watch over them. Then as they grew they would chase her around. At first she didn't need to go too fast, she would hide until they were old enough to understand "soft" and then she would snuggle next to them again.
It is amazing how attached we can become to someone we love even if it is an animal. Lillee brought joy and comfort to our home. There is a void in our house tonight, she is greatly missed.
Good Bye Lillee Dog, We love you!

Sunday, February 13, 2011

A new love....

Severin has discovered a new love just in time for Valentines Day. Grandma Sue and Grandpa Fred introduced him to Cream Filled Wafer Cookies. When he sees one he hold out his cubby little hand, mouth WIDE open and makes a grunting war cry sound like he is about to attack. He gnaws on it until all that is left is what is in his closed fist. He hasn't figured out how to open his hand and finish it off. I do not recommend holding him while he eats one- check out my goobered shirt. Thanks Mom and Dad! Happy Valentines Day!!!

Morgans Sweetheart Ball

Because I know Morgans Step Mom and Aunt follow this blog. I thought I'd be in big trouble if I didn't post about her first formal dance. Enjoy the picts Morgan and her date Alex
Isn't she BEAUTIFUL! She was so excited to wear a big poofy dress
I am reminded of when she was little. She always wanted to wear dresses. One time she was wearing Osh Kosh overalls, she left the crotch unsnapped so she could twirl and dance like a "Beautiful Princess"

MY weekend

Thom kicked me out this weekend... he is coming back for me he just gave me an alone"ish" weekend.
This was something we had discussed. It was really hard for me to go. I hesitate to share this experience because it shows my weaknesses. I don't like doing that. When we pulled up to the Hotel on Friday night I told Thom I felt like he was dropping me off at rehab. We had went on a date, ate food that looked really good although due to my snotty nose I couldn't taste any of it. Some last meal. Thom has a friend in the Hotel biz that hooked me up with a room. He upgraded me to the Suite. As I was going on and on about how sad it would be to have a great room with lots of space and not have my family with me. My mind started to shift. I saw the comfy king size bed all to myself. Remember I sleep in a day bed in Severins room, with Severin in my arms for most of the night and more then not Neleh or Johnathen is in there too. Then I saw the huge jetted tub. For anyone who knows me, knows the tub is my cave. This is something I gave up. Because I usually have Severin in the tub with me and Neleh is quick to follow. Thom was way jealous. I did see everyone on Saturday. Morgan was going to Sweethearts. I did her hair, and helped her get ready in her big poofy dress. She looked stunning, and grown up, it sucked.
Along with sleeping through the night, I have taken this time to "think" about life. Looking back I started to realize I was loosing myself. In December I was getting my hair done. When Buffie would ask me how I "usually" did it, or if I noticed the color, if I liked it. It dawned on me I haven't really LOOKED at myself in a mirror for a very long time. But I plugged on. Another month passed. I was a recluse -Severin needs that. But then I was giving of myself until I had nothing left. More then one person has commented on how "tired" I look. I thought of course I am who isn't when they have a baby. Heart Baby or not being a Mom is a tiring job. I have been surviving for the past seven months. With slight glimpses of normal. I talked to a fellow Heart Mom wondering if I was crazy. Knowing I am heading down the crazy path, if I can not find balance in my life. She gave fab, & loving advice. I never would have met her, if not for our heart connection, but she has been an inspiration to me.
I have found I have very deep fears that stop me from progressing. I have trust issues in letting things just happen. I keep getting that I need to give this one to the Lord. I have learned more about the Infinite part of the Attonement. The Attonement is not just for the sinner. It is for me. It is for MY worry, MY heavy heart. It is for Severins trials. The Savior took these on because He knew we could not do it alone. It is not a matter of my willingness, it is a matter of my ability. I am not yet prefected, as He is. Knowing our spirit can conqure this mortal man body others see. I want to LIVE again. Fearless, without regret. Be me, a Divine Daughter. Loving and joyful. My mind is flooded with various quotes, positive affirmations, and gratitude. Even through the sluge of snot the plagues my head. I am thankful for my Sis-in -law Beth, for reminding me what we are all here for. I am not yet the polished stone ready to return to the Father to do more of His work. I am still bumbling along. For this I am thankful to have more time to do just that, bumble and be polished.

Monday, February 7, 2011

As I proudly wear my Heart Mom pin...

Many may not be aware the February is National CHD Awareness Month, and this week is CHD Awareness Week. I didn't know much about this last year or any year before.
As I put my Heart Mom pin on today it didn't take long to find a CHD Dad. We talked about our kids diagnosis'. I ask how old is your son? His reponse with a smile "He would be 5" The word would lingers. Then I ask to tell me more. His son, Andrew, lived 2 months. Andrew joined the nearly 4,000 other babies that year who did not make it to their first Birthday. My heart aches for these parents who have to say good-bye all too soon to their sweet little creation. What if I was saying Severin would be seven months old today? Instead I get to hold him. I thank his heart for giving me the past seven months. I get to listen to him breathe. I get to see his smile. I get to feed him and watch him grow. I get to feel his hugs when he has been missing me. I get his open mouth kisses all over my face.
On this day I ask all of you to hug your loved one a little longer. Read just one more story before bed. Say "I Love You" and really mean it. Pray for the broken hearts, that they might be healed.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

This is how Severin feels about being back on Oxygen

MMMMM tastes like chicken! Even when he is sick he still makes us laugh

Nelehs Birthday post -just ONE week late




















Happy Birthday Neleh J!!!
On January 30 our little spit fire turned three. She enjoyed eating tacos with Grandma Sue and Grandpa Fred on Saturday. On Sunday she spent time and had cake and icecream with Gram & Grandpa Quist, Auntie Erica, Uncle Adam, Cove, Emrick, Uncle Jared, Cheynne, Jenna and Qwynn.
We love you Neleh thank you for being part of our Family!

Saturday, February 5, 2011

One tired Mom, and one sick baby

Dispite chasing my kids around with a cloud of Lysol, Johnathen washing his hands until they crack and bleed, Neleh "faithfully" covering her mouth everytime she coughed, not to mention the THOUSANDS of dollars spent on RSV shots... Severin is sick. We have been to the Dr. Monday, Thursday, & Saturday, with an extra Nurse visit on Friday. The Ped. and I have been having a battle of the degrees (his MD-medical vs my MD-mommy) The Ped says Severin is fine on Thursday. I know something is brewing inside him. He is not my first kid and the older kids have been coughing for two weeks. I think I am the most scared of missing a sign/symptom of something serious. If he is fine the why am I up all night with him. So I call Cardiology. One day I am going to meet"April the Nurse from Cardiology" and thank her for listening to me. She validated my concerns and agreed it sounded like the begining of a virius. By friday night Severin is back on O2 to maintain his sats. I'm suprized how much I had gotten used to going without it after only one month. Now I drag the tank around with me-joy! This is how we spent most of our Saturday. In bed watching TV. He hates the O2. He pulls it down and chews on the cannula. I think last night was the worst of it (I hope). No fevers. Just sounds like he is breathing through a sieve. He has antibiotic for his eye infection, saline and Benedryl for the snotty nose and non stop humidifier, hot showers and sitting in the cold air for the cough. I only needed the Ped to give me the eye Rx, I was doing everything else. Again he is not my first nor am I stupid. I may be "stupid tired" but not stupid.