I had to start scrapbooking Severin. I didn't want to wait my standard YEAR, because I didn't want to forget anything. With this has come some unexpected emotions. I see the picture of Thom and I in the labor/delivery room. My heart aches for those two people. Their smiling faces are worn down with worry. Their eyes show they have been crying. They have the unknown looming over them, heavily pressing down. I see relief that they have made it to this point, knowing there is so much more to go. All the months of preparation have led up to that day. Commited to eachother and to seeing this through.
I see my sweet baby, fresh and new. No scars. Crying and then content. Then I watch through the pictures as his suffering begins. IVs, blood draws, monitors, the ventillator. I remember taking some not knowing if they were going to be the only pictures I will have. I wanted Thom to stay with him and be my eyes. I didn't want to miss a moment. Surgery day comes and goes. Healing begins, for all. I remember how I felt as each little mommy indulgence is recorded. The fear and relief to be home. The tubes come out, his eyes are bright. Smiles and enjoying the moment. One more surgery, and a little time he is oxygen free.
Now as I type, I hold my 6 month old. I try to keep him from "typing". He thinks the laptop is cool. I am so grateful for the past six months. Thom and I say we are not the same people we were a year ago. We look different. We have learned. And yet we are still learning more...
My Thanks to You who follow this blog, it is your faith that has carried us through the past six months.
I wish for many more!
Oh Angee- this is why we blog. So other heart moms can read words that describe their same feelings and emotions. We too will never be the same.
ReplyDeleteAngee, thank you so much for sharing your growth and experience with us. We are all sharing in your sigh of relief for the progress we see in Severin. Eventhough his progress came with a price of great pain and suffering. You say you and Thom are not the same people...I can tell you aren't, you are both a little more "polished" and little more "refined." With a deeper understanding of the Atonement of our loving Savior .... more like Him. Oh that we could all be as refined as you two are at such a young age. There is a reason Severin was sent to you and your family. We love you. Karen
ReplyDeleteI have to say that evening knowing you the short time that I have you have grown in so many ways over the last year. I am so greatfull to you both and to your family for teaching me that we can make through our trials if we truely turn towards the lord. Thank you for everything you have given me. I miss you terribly and cannot wait to see all of you again.
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